~btol jgk katanye~

btol jgk katanye..tiap kali kuar ngn die blk msti tulis blog huhu baru perasan..
esok ade test tp aku xstudi pape pon lg.tajuk pon xtau lg nih..kena cek inbox fb dulu.aduhai pesal xde mood lgsg nk studi.bakal mengundang mslh nih.

td tgk wolfman.storyline yg simple tp well-arranged and well-presented.overall,aku suke.

pg td pegi aerobik.xbape best sgt.xthrill haha.tp tu pon aku terkial2.malu kt pakcik2 n makcik2 yg sgt excellent kt situ.ape2 pon len kali pasti pegi lg.

byk bnda berlegar2 dlm kepala nih.bnda yg tak ptt pk melebihi bnda yg ptt.btol jgk katanye pilih brg pk la berkali2.jgn nnti nyesal xleh nk gostan dh.btul kot..maybe im not ready YET..

~slh lg~

people said.girls assume.and it turns out to be wrong.den she doesn't want to assume nmore.afraid dat it'll b wrong again.dat's y she'll never know d truth unless he tells her.

at dis very moment,my member punye mak ade kt hosp sbb sakit.i feel so bad.so sad.mbygkn ape yg die tgh rs skang,feel like want to b close to die..tp klu aku ade close leh ke aku comfort die??hurm..tp at least..
semoga cpt2 la mak die sembuh supaya die leh senyum kembali..ameen..

nk blk umah maulud ni tp abah xbg.byk kali sgt blk katenye.so i guess stay kt melaka try to studi je la.(if only..)

~we must experience rejection~

kwn2..ade berita utk diberitahu.psl post yg lps kn.i tink i was wrong la.i forgot the other possibility other than ma n abah xsuke or my siblings mengata.there is another worse possibility yg now is a reality---> he doesn't feel d same towards me..

skang aku dh tau..ia bukan lg mainan perasaan.tp perasan sorg2.(nk gelak mata berair pon ade)
bak kate sorg kwn aku nih.."we must experience rejection"..
em aku dh rs skang.even indirectly.tp aku agak yakin.and i wud say rasanye agak pedih sedikit tetapi aku masih OK.

tido itu pntg utk waktu2 spt skang..nite..

~penting ke hensem??~

ari ni sius jiwa kacau..dr smlm smpi skang.aku mcm melawan perasaan hati sndri.smlm aku kuar ngn member aku.sdr xsdr aku jmpe ape yg aku cari dlm seorg lelaki dlm peribadi die.xsgka.n xnk bnda tu jd.dh lama aku nk rasa perasaan di jaga n diambil berat.tp xpenah dpt.xpenah rs.until smlm.aku serabut.sedih.kacau.knape d 1st person to show all those things to me adlh die??

pntg ke seseorg tu hensem??tipu la kalau aku kate aku nk laki yg xhensem.mmg penipu besar.tp knape laki2 hensem yg aku kenal xde peribadi yg cantik spt mane ade pd laki2 yg kurang hensem yg aku kenal??kebetulan kot.or aku mmg xde jodoh ngn org2 hensem.
so tell me..pntg ke org tu kena hensem.klu die kurg hensem,ape yg jd?either man abah aku xberapa nk setuju,or adik beradik aku mengata,or aku akan menyesal 1 hari nnti???!!!

rupe paras xbwk ke mane..my inner voice's telling.tp mampu ke teruskn??..itu suara sape ntah yg berckp..sius aku mcm dh xbape btol dowh..

~longest saturday ever~

ari ni terasa panjang.pejam celik pejam celik still sabtu 23 jan lg.ari ni my day starts early.lps subuh siap2 pegi berjoging taman kt bukit serindit ngn shyd n nora.dh lama x menikmati udara segar.ape lg jiwang sepanjang taman la.time joging pon kepala otak merayau2 ntah ke mane2 ntah.tp aku jog kjp je.2 lap with a period of main buai in btwn.
sgt relaxing..n skang betis dh mula sakit2 jln terhenjut2.nmpk sgt xde stamina.

lps tu g bfast.mkn kuih muih melayu.xingt ape nama tmpt tuh.best.

blk straight away pegi emergency department ngn nora n jul.ms tu dh rs penat sbnrnye.tp dh nekad nk pegi.menarik jgk.bila dh ade kt situ xrasa ms berlalu.tetiba mata rs penat n ngntk.dh kul 1230.ajak jul blk.blk umah terasa lpr.masak skjp.ikan goreng,telor goreng,tomato asam.simple tp menjilat jari.
lps kenyang solat zohor n tido.mimpi ntah ape2.tetiba bunyi guruh.tersedar dlm terkejut teringt nora sidai kain pg td.terus berlari2 dlm mamai nk tlg g angkat kain die.rupenye die dh ade kt luar.
masuk bilik dh xleh tido.solt asar n termenung dpn tv memerhatikn air hujan.tenang dan linang.

lps maghrib td pegi rumah khairun kt muar.ade house warming.mkn byk smpi kenyang sgt.blk dh penat.hjtnye nk tido terus lps solt.tp tetiba nmpk motokar die dpn umah aku.aduhai.pesal sesi menguji ketabahan hati je nih.terseksa xterkata.

td pakwan btau makcik cafe kolej ktrg kena tangkap polis.shocking sguh.tp benar.sbb die dera pembantu rumah die smpi bdk tu meninggal.astaghfirullah.terkejut tersgt.dhla dpn ktrg baik xterkata makcik tuh.xsgka insan yg sama tu mampu mendera smpi mbunuh.huh.dunia2.

terasa spt mahu melayan perasaan.(bagai xcukup lg dilayan spnjg hari ini)..

no break

sejak akhir2 ni bizi sguh hidupku.dh 4 mgu kot xde kt melaka time weekend.n by dat i mean xpenah nk dpt rehat yg secukupnye(put aside excessive sleep during weekdays kn).
start ngn blk raya haji.pastu g anta keta kt kl.den g amik keta mgu dpnnye.n ari tu blk umah anim kawen.ingtkn mgu ni dh bleh berehat menikmati udara pagi sabtu di melaka.tp mlgnye in short notice kena rush blk pahang sbb pakcik plak nk kawen.fuhh..heavy loads on my energy.

esok ade end posting psy.tup2 dh 3 mgu dh berlalu.ntahla to wat extent my brain gathers info on psy during dis duration.rs cam kosong n cetek je.spt biase..gamble!!!

td ternmpk seseorg.terus aku palingkn muka ke arah nora n ask "nora,tu die kn..blkg i" nora said "yes."..
huh kate dh 'benci'.kate 'suda tiada hati'.abih tu menempek di sliding door tiap kali _ _ _ _ _ tu knape?????
konklusinye,ini adlh sebahagian dr defense mechanism exerted by bayani tu pull herself together evritime its needed.

"wat do u tink of nik aziz?"

08/12/09..
psychiatric opd.emil kreplin room.

xavier: for me the best party in this country is PAS.it is the only party dat takes a very gud
care of rakyat's need.the best in ruling and most importantly the most HONEST
party.i believe if they are given the power to rule,great changes are going to hapen
to malaysia.this is my observation.even im not a muslim, i dare to say this!!coz dis is
d truth..

sesi memperkenalkn diri bermula..

xavier: nurbayani wat do u tink of nik aziz??

..silence..

nurbayani: he is...such a great leader..(dgn jujur n ikhlas)

xavier: thank you..(with a big smile on his face)

lu pk la sndri..hehe