its holiday!!!!

aku tgh tgu taxi come n pick me up..kami mahu ke melaka sentral n naik bus ke klntn pd pukul 8 mlm nnti hehe sgt la bahagia terasa diriku ini..xsbr dh nk smpi umah..jmpe sume org kt umah..homesick sguh aku ni..
pd hari sabtu ini insyaAllah along ku akn melangsungkn pertunangnnye..part of d reason why aku blk..sume org excited tp along ketakutan n kekonfiusan..i guess everyone yg planning for future will feel d same way kot..hope xde pape jd la..erm utk pengetahuan sume beg aku amatla berat..tidak terkira..mcm mane ntah nk pikul nih..sah2 skt blkg..
erm ok la..itu je..nk tutup laptop dh ni..hepi holiday everybody!!enjoy!!!

apakah??apakah??!!

kepenatan keteramatan..wat a weekend...im so so thrilled..(we are huhu)..anim n along dh blk td..aku n kak elis pegi anta mereka di lcct..flight along blk kb kul 915 mlm..
antara xtvt ktrg- pegi naik muzium kapal(aku sgt suke sbb byr rm3 je n best jgk
naik menara taming sari(byr rm10 for nothing)
pegi spa buat facial(rm55 for 2 hours..how to say ek..i LOVE it huhu)
mkn ikan bakar kt umbai(anim yg teringin sgt ni..but we enjoyed our meal as we turn into monsters haha)
blk chalet tido...
esoknye..
mndi pantai di pagi hari..best gle..
pegi shopping dkt dtrn pahlwn n mahkota parade(agak penuh la tgn kami dgn brg2..n agak ringan la wallet masing2 slps itu haha)
pulang ke rumah ku utk bersihkn diri n terus btolak ke lcct pd pukul 530 lebih kurang

setibanye di lcct kami parking n turun utk mencari sesuap mknn..ramai jgk org di situ time tu n agak bingit rasanye..sdg mcari tmpt mkn tu tetiba kak elis ckp, 'ehhh...'.......lalu aku pon memandang ke arah yg sama..ternmpk 1 figure yg agak2 dlm 10meter jauhnye...i noe him..oh yes of coz i do..NAMIA..tetiba je i feel like the 'bingit' juz now has become silent..n at d same time my heart stops beating..almost 5 seconds..den i can hear my own heart beat..den d noise came back..
aku cam tsedar dr lamunan..terus lambai kt die and beredar(so dat my point of vision will not be fixed on him any longer)terus lps tu aku jd blur..mcm org bodoh je..xtau nk buat ape..

he is d one dat tore my heart apart..into pieces..until a point dat i cant bear it anymore..my heart is paining..so much..he is sumtin dat bayani cant get in her life..its been hurting myself too much since then dat i feel like opening my chest and stich it up,make some quick prayer n make it turn to normal..

wat do i feel now at dis moment------> dunno..i miss him..maybe...
do i love him?? ------> sudah gaharu cendana pula
do i want to forget him ------> been trying very hard..nobody can ever imagine
wat did u do to forget him ------> keep thinking about him every now n then hoping dat i'll get bored one day...(never hapen yet)
so wat r u planning to do now? ------> juz let it be..cant do nthin to make myself any better pon..

on no shoulder Allah put a burden dat she/he cannot bear..

i can still handle dis..make me strong plz dear Allah..ameen..

~feel sooo happy!!!~

baru siap solt isyak..baru tenang sket rasa..aku dh siapkn almost half of my clerkship diary(mcm buku report la yg kami kena completekn semasa medicine posting)..

tomoro is going to be my happy day(i hope) coz my along n anim(my 1st and 2nd sister) are going to come here to spend d weekend wif me!!!huhu wat else in d world cam make me super duper excited like dis..
td aku dh pegi book chalet..shah's beach resort..sgtla ramai org kat ctu..tp aku rs itu la chalet yg plg best i've ever been to..sgt di maintain kelawaan nye..
jadual utk esok..morning 830 aku kak elis n farid(senior aku jgk) akn pegi pick up my sisters kt lcct..lps tu mbawa haluan masing2..mereka hendak ke kl maka aku n kakak2 ku terus blk ke melaka so dat we can check in by2 pm..
aku dh basuh kereta n isi minyak td..ready for tomoro's journey..hehe..mntk2 sgt xde pape yg jadi..ameen..semoga percutian kami adik beradik ni diberkati Allah n dilindungi oleh-Nya..insyaAllah..
erm pg td aku g dental clinic kt poliklinik peringgit..utk filling kn my incisor..n d result is quite impressive..but the sensitivity(ngilu) persists till now..
aku dh pack kn my things utk dibawa esok..hehe semangat bukan?..

td iwe kol aku..die tu member aku kt mrsm jeli dulu..tp skang je la br jd mmbr..dulu slalu nmpk tp xpenah ckp pon..kami dr 2 dunia berbeza huhu..xde ckp psl pape pon..bnda2 mengarut..ckp2 gelak2..he really made my day..
erm i tink i shud stop now and get to sleep..supaya esok xbgn lmbt..

::thanx kak elis n farid sbb sudi menemani::

~ari yg penuh kekecewaan~

sepanjang mgu ni we are out of bounds from d hosp..so we gonna hv our class in d campus only..sadly things changed tetiba we need to go to tangkak hosp for thursday and friday morning session..(it is a 1 hr-journey from here)..td bljr ecg ngn sgt detailnye ngn dr bashir..he taught us kaw2 punye dat we may not need to refer to louis hampton anymore(ecg book)..quite tiring but relieving dat somehow at last i noe sumtin about how to read an ecg(slm ni rs cam bodoh je sume org leh baca aku tnganga je)..
erm pg td suz called me..asking me about causes of hematuria(blood in the urine)..he wanted me to list them out..last nite also we talked over the phone for almost half an hour i tink..nothing much..about things around him..and stuff like dat..wat i remembered most was "i juz want to tell u dat i still miss u"..erm i got stunned and speechless at d same time..did not answer anything..erm life can be so entangling sometimes..i asked myself..am i happy??or the opposite?i seriously dunno how to react..coz few days ago i checked out his frenster(as i alwez do)he got so many girls' name on his comment box..at d back of my mind i say"dis guy is definitely moving on.."but what i dun understand is why is he kept telling me those words if he actually thinking of some other thing..confusing..

i decided to not to think about it..

td naga msg me tru ym..he said he want to call me and ask for my favour..but cant think of any favour that i can do for him..erm..we'll see how la tonite..

mcm cerita matahari la plak..so many guys around me but none is mine hahaha..lawak2..td kak elis belikn mknn dr psr mlm..hungry kya??!!hehe..melahap jom..

~d heaviest but greatest weekend ever!!~

aku br siap tgk cite a man town..cite psl seorg lelaki yg sgt ego n xpenah tau psl how pathetic he is..his wife slept with his client and he was having so much problem in his work due to his 'hot-temper'..at the end of the story he started realizing about the things dat happened..are all his fault..den he get back with his wife..forgiving her and quit his job as well..starting a new life..best jgk..

erm kisah ari ni..aku n teman2 pegi ke hutan lipur gunung ledang pd pukul 9 pagi lebih kurang..antara ahli2 rombongan-na,c'nat,akram,marie,am,afie,syam,iwa,jijul,rahim and aku..kami bertolak dgn menaiki 3 buah kereta..myvi,wira and kancil(promote buatan malaysia haha)..perjalann mengambil masa lebih kurg sejam stgh..d place was so nice and peaceful..we settled down in one of the area and start menyerang air terjun hehe..we brought so much food and drinks..(credits to jijul who had successfully prepared our breakfast-sandwich and our lunch-fried meehoon)..and i tell u d food was awesome..
lps zohor bertolak blk..agak penat tp sgtla best..dh lama x spend time together cam td..den bila aku blk kak elis dh smpi umah..parents die pon ade skali..
lets take a look at d pictures!!!

time baru smpi


bermandi manda..

nk blk dh ni(baju masih basah)

sket je gmbr yg ade..ini dr cam pakwan..selebihnye ade kt cam c'nat..
erm di bwh ni plak gmbr cowboy town smlm..

~penat jgk~

aku br blk..pegi afamosa resort-cowboy town..ktrg(aku,c'nat,kfid,fiza,iwa)bertolak pd pukul 545 ptg dgn menaiki keta kfid..ikut highway kl and den amik exit simpang ampat..xdela ssh sgt mencari tmptnye..aku agak berterima kasih kpd mereka yg menjemputku utk turut serta sbb diorg ade tiket free so aku xpyh la byr tiket msk yg berharga rm35 (klu xsilap aku la)..
ktrg kuar skjp ke bandar tampin utk mencari tmpt mkn n tmpt solt..slps solt kami masuk blk ke sana utk mengikuti program seperti berikut:

830 pm red indian show
900 pm musical parade @ carnival street
945 pm firework display

selesai sume tu dh dkt kul 10 mlm..sbnrnye aku nk tgk 4D theatre tp kena byr klu nk masuk-rm20 per person..xnk aku..mahal sgt terasa amat tidak berbaloi..
pas tu iwa pegi naik bungee jumping..menarik!!hehe tp kami yg lain memutuskn utk melihat shj iwa yg excited..(sbnrnye kami yg lain amatla ketakutan haha)..
lps tu blk la..n smpi umah kul 11 lebih dh rsnye...

esok plan ke ledang diteruskn even mlm ni dh terasa penat..semasa aku di sana td die menelefon ku bertanyakn aku di mane..dgn suara yg agak tidak puas ati..kemudian blk td aku mdpt tahu bahawa die sbnrnye pegi tgk wayang...1 soalan timbul di benakku..adakah aku harus mberitahunye ke mane shj aku pergi??!!perlukah??die bukan la teman istimewaku utk aku menceritakn atau lebih tepat aku katakn meminta izin utk ke mane2...timbul rs xpuas ati dlm diriku..knape die harus meletakkn aku dlm posisi yg aku sndri tidak selesa??sdgkn die sng aje ke mane2 tnpa mberitahu ku sepatah pon..bukan bmaksud aku mau die mberitahuku ttg kehidupan hariannye akan tetapi die amatla tidak patut utk mbuat aku begitu..ingin aku tegaskn di sini..aku memilih utk bersendiri kerana aku lagi selesa hidup tnpe kongkongan dr sesiapa..kenapa die tidak mengerti??yg kami ini hanyelah kwn sama seperti mane aku berkawan sama teman2 yg lain..yg mane aku membicarakn hal2 yg aku rskn perlu sahaja..kenapa perlu memaksa perasaan seseorg??aku hargai die sebagai kawan biase...tapi jika die menginginkan yg lebih drpd itu, maafkan kiranye aku katakn tidak usahla kite berkwn lg..
namun mengapa sume kata2 ini tidak terlafaz dr bibirku..hanye mmpu ku omongkn dlm hati n menaipnye ke atas blog yg diyakini tidak dijenguk oleh sesiapa..kenapa aku sgt mjaga hati n perasaan seseorg sehinggakn aku sgup hidup dlm keadaan yg tidak selesa..duhai teman jika kau terbaca coretan hati ini,lpskn la aku..lpskn aku dr genggaman persahabatanmu yg nyata tersembunyi niat lain di hatimu..

pagi td tidurku dikejutkn oleh 1 panggilan dr suz..sguh sayu rsnye hatiku..sekian lama tidak mdgr suaranye..tiba2 die hadir..bagai mimpi dlm sedar..apakah yg bermain di hatiku??nyata perasaan yg dulu udah lama terkubur dan hilang..akan tetapi bekasnye sukar utk kulenyapkn..mungkin masa shj yg kuperlukan..erm kudoakn kau bahagia dgn hisupmu yg baru..dan semoga diriku juga akan menemui bahagiaku yg sejati dan abadi..

###kenape aku sgt skema mlm ni??huhu hati..hati...###

~my 1st ABG~

arterial blood gas(ABG) analysis is done by taking heparinized blood either from radial,brachial or femoral artery and pH,Pa CO2 and Pa O2 are measured using an automated analyser..it is different from venopuncture as it requires the needle to be placed at a 90degree angle..

i've seen it before but i never did it myself..and today i was quite fortunate to be given a chance of doing it on an ill patient..before this i used to observe them(the houseman) doing it on the radial artery..but today is a bit different as we are withdrawing the blood from femoral artery..
i can feel the pulse..i can say it was bounding..high volume..at the back of my mind i was thinkin..wen i poke the blue needle inside i can hear the houseman was telling me"just push it further inside.." i did as asked to..surprisingly and sadly i did't hapen to hit any vessel!!!wen i pull the syringe also there was not even a tinge of blood seen..huh..bad..so bad..and at the same time the patient was moaning in pain..
i pull out the needle and hand it to the houseman..after a couple of times trying(pulling and pushing)..she also failed..and we decided to leave the patient alone..

but im not giving up..i'll o it again next time..actually the houseman ask me to come tonight because she is on call and she said she'll give me chance to do any procedure dat i want..but u noe me(im not dat rajin)..tp cam best je..erm..

my along will be coming back home this sunday..i cant wait to see her..but i'll be going back home only next month..miss her..miss everybody at home as well..im too tired..berehat sbntr..

~can't wait for weekend to come~

aku tgh ngdap laptop sambil chatting ngn nizam..classmate aku kt matrik dulu..die ni leh kate topper la dkt skolah aku..2 2 sem dpt 4 flat..erm tp dulu aku cam xpenah ckp pon ngn die..(die yg sombong haha)..erm skang die dh jd final year medical student dkt ukm..cool rite..
jmpe blk dkt frenster..die dh lain la skang..tinggi sket..erm muke nmpk dewasa sket la huhu..and d most important thing is he's no more a nerdy...hihi..basically we talked about our life as a medic student..but feels like we are on the extreme..im d worse example and him being on the other end haha..tp ape2 la its gud to hear sumtin from him..
my day in d hosp today was not very pleasant..quite bad i wud say..we're supposed to hv our long case presentation in d morning n it was nava on the list..den i went around seeking for procedure(and i manage to do 2 ecg reading)..so aku xclerk la case..and it so happen dat tetiba ahmed sayyed menjengah dlm ward 3-2 and terus ke row katil aku..and start asking for diagnosis..ape lagi aku mati di tmpt kejadian la..terus kena halau.."den go away from here..u didn't do ur work!!"..pdhl org lain xamik case jgk..sama je..tp org lain tu dilayan mcm anak emas die..huh..is dis called bad luck or is it juz bayani's luck(since it happens multiple times alredy)..knape aku cpt benci org..hatred is like a thorn within ur heart muscle..u leave it there..it'll b silent at first but later it will turn to b an abscess..cant cure it any well then..ape2 la..semoga esok dh xde perasaan camni..
tonite aku hjt nk kuar..feel so suffocated in my own house..plus im hungry hihi..
esok kdiah(my sister) nk g perlis katanye..asyik berjalan aje kejenye..cam best je idup die..erm hopefully xde pape jd la..
hujung minggu ni..aku and teman2 dr mmmc batch 17 plan nk g picnic kt air terjun gunung ledang..erm nice rite..nnti aku update kn kt sini wat happen..
nk g mndi n solt..

~kebosanan~

aku br blk dr dataran..bersama marie n che ah..erm talking about 'em ni...we used to be gud frens back then..very gud i mean..i know che ah since form 4 in mrsm jeli..and i met with marie for the first time in uitm..and ultimately the 3 of us gathered together dkt india..it so happen that we dunno anyone else except each other time tu..so dat brings us together kot..we were so close and boley kate leaning on one another di tmpt yg asing..i love the bond btwn us..
but not so long after dat,lot of things changed..wat i remember was rite after marie met with akram and their relationship getting closer and at the same time ours getting farther..erm but actually we dun hv big problems btwn us pon cume things hapen yg mbuatkn masing2 xnk kaco masing2..itu kt india la..

lps blk ke melaka ni lain plak jdnye..semua duk rumah lain2..n worse is posting dh xsama grup..kebizian setiap saat mbuatkn kami lg la berjauhan(socially i mean)..so boley kate dh lama la kami xkeluar bertiga..best la..menyingkap kembali kngn lalu hihi..

aku dh start buat report and i assure u im going to finish up 2 of my reports by d end of d day..hahaha..
aku tgh layan lagu good charlotte-the truth..syuk yg bg kt email pg2 lg..katenye.."lagu utk org yg ke'frust'an"..haha enjoy je..

~wat bayani's doing at 1am 140409~

ding dong..1 am..my eyes are obviously partially open.."sket je lg",telling myself..and my finger kept doing their works as being told..running tru all d keypads..searching for d rite words..
and at this moment im officially publishing my so called blog..to be displayed like other blogs from other bloggers..
today i felt like a real,total loser..

hv kept all my books in front of my 2 eyes..hoping dat by any chance i glimpse at 'em and maybe pick 1 of 'em and maybe try to go tru some of the words written in it..---->hopeless..

plan of going out tonite since tomorrow happens to be my day-off..---->end up eating mee goreng adabi in front of the tv..

i hv 3 pending medicine case reports to be completed..---->still 3 of 'em are there without even patient profile's column being filled up..

huh what is so great in making ur own life so slobby and pathetic??!!come on bayani..give urself a slap and start holding a pen and strain ur eyes on some books..NOW!!!